All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned in the Zombie Apocalypse
by lovelycollision
Summary: Ichigo knows he needs to head North. He'll find his father, sisters, and friends in Hokkaido. It's just that there's a virus going on that's got the dead not staying dead, and they're craving living flesh. At least he's not alone- he has his childhood friend who he's in love with as his companion! Oh, but she's engaged. He'd rather be in hell, but he's already in it. Ichihime. AU.
1. Rule 1: Never Turn Your Back on a Zombie

**Rule #1: Never Turn Your Back on a Zombie**

 **\- - - - X X X - - - -**

 **I** chigo thought living in Karakura was the best of both city and suburban living.

It had Tokyo's bustling atmosphere in the downtown area of Karakura, with its 7AM traffic and plethora of shops catering to every want and need. At night, the town would come alive, businessmen visiting ramen shops, and young adults vacating the local bars and karaoke booths until two in the morning before finally heading home.

A ten minute train ride across their beautiful, flowing river would take them out of their small downtown area and into quiet streets lined with modest sized houses, and apartment complexes. During the mornings, the streets were filled with mothers taking their young children to the park or school, teenagers running around, and senior citizens watering their plants.

Ichigo loved his small town that he got to call home. He loved its city lights, fresh air, quaint atmosphere and most especially, its kind, warm people. Ichigo grew up here, his mother and grandparents were buried here, and in the far away future, he knew he'd die here.

Too bad it was literally burnt to the ground.

Karakura was fucked, and a complete dead end.

"Kurosaki-kun, behind you!"

Ichigo's ears perked as he heard a high, feminine voice call out to him. He sidestepped and turned, coming face to face with a one armed man. The man snarled, his attached arm missing Ichigo by a breath. Stumbling forward clumsily, the man turned as he once more set his eyes on his target.

Ichigo backed up more, carefully studying the face of his perpetrator. His face was an ashy gray, the blue veins beneath his skin seemed ready to burst. His bloodshot eyes glowed, the whites of his eyes replaced with a sickly yellow. Ichigo pushed down the bile threatening to come up his throat as the familiar rotting stench of the body before him reached his nose.

The one armed man was dead.

But alive at the same time.

Clenching the handle of his knife, he breathed through his mouth and brought his it down to the man's skull, pushing against bone and matter. The body immediately tensed, and Ichigo swiftly took the knife out of the skull, the body landing with a thud in front of his feet.

"Fucking gross," Ichigo cursed under his breath.

"Fifty! Kurosaki-kun, you're so cool! You're breaking records, for sure!"

Ichigo winced at her remark.

"Inoue, this isn't supposed to be a contest, you know."

The aforementioned girl softly smiled, her stormy eyes understanding. "I know, just trying to lighten the mood, I guess."

At this, Ichigo felt a twinge of guilt. God, he could be inconsiderate sometimes. Before he could apologize, he felt her cool hands swipe swiftly across his cheek. Ichigo started, taking a step back on impulse. Looking down, he finds her staring up at him, and her gaze is piercing. Ichigo can feel the heat rising in his neck, but before the heat could reach to cover his face, she laughs.

"Sorry, you just got some leftover guts stuck on you! I didn't think Kurosaki-kun would be too happy about a piece of gut hanging off his cheek."

Before Ichigo can even react, Inoue quickly turns around and runs to her backpack. Ichigo doesn't know whether to feel sweet relief or embarrassment; doesn't know which is worse.

"Aha!" Inoue yells. She practically bounces over to him, and Ichigo tries not to stare any lower than her face, and once more, he can feel the heat rising. When she reaches him, she takes his hand and places a small piece of cloth onto it. "Might wanna wipe a little more, you got some on your hair."

Ichigo watches her bounce back to her bag, her long, auburn hair swaying as he suppresses the urge to let out a frustrated groan. As he hastily rubs the cloth around his hair, and cleans it as best as he can of zombie guts, he sees her waiting form up ahead.

Inoue has tied up her long hair into a secure bun that's sitting atop her head. She's jogging in place, hands clutching tightly to the straps of her backpack. Her cheeks are pink and puffed out, brows furrowed, and he knows she's serious, but he thinks it's so adorable.

Swallowing thickly, Ichigo realizes that the home he's leaving behind, the memories that he has of his beautiful Karakura no longer matter.

He's in the middle of the fucking zombie apocalypse with the girl of his dreams as his only other companion.

"I'm royally fucked."

 **\- - - - X X X - - - -**

 **a/n:**

part walking dead, part zombieland inspired.  
most of these chapters will be pretty short, but that allows me to update much more frequently.  
still mapping this story out, but this seems like a good start.  
lemme know what ya think!

xo,  
lovelycollision


	2. Rule 2: Always Knock on Closed Doors

**Rule #2 :Remember to Knock on Closed Doors Before Opening**

 **I** chigo met Orihime Inoue when he was eight years old.

He met her at the park and remembers she smelled like play-doh and dirt. When her brother and his mother force them to introduce themselves to each other, he remembers feeling the stickiness of her hands from her leftover ice cream, and her shy, quiet voice. He remembers leading her to the monkey bars and watching her swing from bar to bar beneath her before she accidentally falls on top of him when she loses her grip.

He can practically hear her childish sobs and continuous apologies, so concerned over his well being when he only had a small bruise on his shoulder. He remembers patting her back, telling her that it was okay, and feeling glad when her cries died down, turning to hiccups and sniffles. When his mother and her brother finally check in on them and decide to head home, he recalls looking back at her one last time to find her doing the same.

He remembers the light of the setting sun casting different shades of orange and red, making her auburn hair glow brightly. He remembers thinking that her wide smile reminded him of that sun- warm and bright, two front missing teeth and all.

What Ichigo doesn't remember is feeling his breath catch for three seconds at the sight.

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

Shaking his head from his memories, Ichigo focused in on the task at hand: to gather all the food, water, and supplies they could use for their journey. Although he still hadn't confronted Orihime on his plans to head North to Hokkaido, he figured they still needed to gather everything they could in order to survive their new world.

They were currently at a small convenience store located at the edge of Karakura, far from the center of town. Orihime had taken note that there would be too much of the dead still lurking around, and that it would be far too risky and dangerous to hit up the main stores. They were incredibly lucky so far as they had yet to come across any… zombies.

Zombies.

Ichigo suppressed a crazed laugh. Who knew that the end of the world would come in the form of zombies- the type of zombie shit that you see on tv and read from comics. And really, that was the only way to describe them as they only came back if you didn't give them that fatal blow to the brain. He had a thousand questions rapidly running through his mind- who, what, when, why, how? Feeling his anxiety and fear rising, Ichigo shook his head and focused once more on finding supplies, particularly some ibuprofen to calm his growing headache.

Walking down the aisle of magazines and over broken shelves, he was very pleased to find the small section of medicine untouched and ready for the taking.

"Ouch!"

A loud bang stopped Ichigo and he violently whipped his head around to the sound. "Inoue?"

Worried, Ichigo moved quickly towards the other side of the store. It was there he found Orihime standing over a cluttered mess of boxed cookies on the floor.

"What happened?" Ichigo hopped over the junk food to Orihime's side, giving her a once over and glad to find no serious injury.

"Sorry, I was just reaching up to grab the box, but it was heavier than I thought, and I kinda just lost my balance. I'm okay though!" Orihime smiled, rubbing her bruised shoulder.

"How about you just call me over the next time you need help- especially if it's to reach something way over your head." Ichigo chastised, bopping her bun for added effect and Orihime rolled her eyes, putting her bun back in place.

"Yes, mom." Orihime stuck her tongue out and Ichigo could feel his eye twitch. Reaching down to grab a few boxes for her bag, Orihime suddenly pushed a key onto Ichigo's hand.

"Oh! I also found this next to the register. I'm guessing it's for the storage room in the back." Orihime nodded towards the door in the back corner.

"Let's check it out. But first, cookies!"

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

Standing in front of the closed door, Ichigo reached a hand out to stop Orihime before she unlocked the door.

"We don't know what's behind this door, so I'll go ahead and knock on the door. The noise will attract their attention and it'll be easier for us to take them down."

Feeling her stare, Ichigo looked down to Orihime staring up at him in alarm and awe.

"Wha-what? Why are you looking at me like that?" Ichigo could already feel the nervous stutter starting, his heart already fluttering. He hated when she looked at him like that.

Like he was her hero.

"Kurosaki-kun is seriously so cool! I'd have just barged in there." Orihime exclaimed and he had to look away.

"Just common sense." Ichigo mumbled.

"Maybe, but you'd think that I'd know to do that, seeing as how I'm the one obsessed with zombie shows and comics"

"Hey, you're the one that told us to come here. My dumbass would have run straight into the center of town." Ichigo assured. He hated when she put herself down or compared herself to anyone else. She was already on a league of her own.

"We're a team, remember?" He made sure to sound firm and sure.

Orihime looked up at him and stared. Swallowing hard, he was fighting the urge to look away, her stare incredibly intense. She was studying him, he could tell, but he couldn't figure out what she was thinking. Three heartbeats later, and he could slowly see the disappointment fading from her grey orbs. Smiling softly, gaze finally drifting away from him, she put her fist up on the door.

"If there's flaming hot cheetos in there, I call dibs! Who knew they'd be a favorite in the apocalypse!" Orihime exclaimed before knocking firmly on the door three times. Ichigo shook his head as he waited with bated breath.

After a minute of silence, Orihime smiled brightly and began to unlock the door with the key. Before turning the knob, she looked to him again, alarming him.

"Ah, also, did you know, Kurosaki-kun? I'm glad we're stuck in the apocalypse together- you're my favorite, always!"

It was deja vu, because he knew he had been in this same situation before.

The setting sun behind them, the oranges and reds, the glowing hair and pretty, silly smile.

Him: awestruck, speechless, and falling hard.

Her: captivating, vibrant, and hard to reach.

Just one, tiny difference: the reflection of her small, diamond ring on her left ring finger hitting him square in the eyes.

In an instant, Ichigo's mood deflated, and as Orihime pushed the door open, he backtracked towards the medicine aisle, hoping above all else for pain killers strong enough to ease the ache in his heart.

 **\- - - - X X X - - - -**

 **a/n:** thanks to those who followed, favorited, and reviewed!

the warm responses are deeply appreciated :)

i'm posting this later than i had expected, but i suddenly had plans popping up left and right.

the wait for the next chapter won't be as long, so see you then!

xo,

lovelycollision


	3. Rule 3: Never Take Your Shoes Off

**Chapter 3: Rule #3: Never Take Your Shoes Off**

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

 **W** ith the light of the sun fading and dusk quickly approaching, Ichigo hastened to get their makeshift security alarm up and running. His hands couldn't stop shaking as he tied empty plastic bottles and cans together with string and tied it to the light poles in front of the store. If any zombies crossed, they'd be alerted.

Although he knew there was a sliding garage door, he could not find the key to the chain to lock it in place, so the added security never hurt. Ichigo was losing light fast, and he knew he couldn't stay out for much longer. So with one final tug of the knot, he headed back inside and reached up for the garage door.

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

Looking around the abandoned streets, he could feel his anxiety rising. It was disconcerting to be met with complete darkness. He was aware of the dangers that lurked in the cover of the night; but this was the world they lived in now, and he was going to make damn sure the two of them survived it.

While Ichigo nibbled on his dinner of peanut butter sandwich with milk, Orihime hovered her flashlight over their backpacks once more, looking to make sure everything was safely secured and accounted for.

"Pretty sure that's the seventh time you've checked those bags," Ichigo murmured. Orihime looked up, startled at his sudden response.

"Ah, you noticed?" Inoue sheepishly replied.

"Kinda hard not to notice… you've been doing it for a good hour if I had to guess," Ichigo said before taking one last gulp of his milk.

Taking his backpack away from her, he pat it down roughly before laying his head down to rest on the makeshift pillow. Stretching his legs out, he looked to her and saw a small smile creep up her face before she started to do the same.

He watched as she undid the bun on top of her head. Her hair fell in waves, tumbling down her shoulders, settling on the small of her back. Ichigo stared, wondering how even in the piss colored lighting, her copper hair still glowed beautifully. She was deep in thought, mindlessly running her hands through her hair, straightening out its tangles.

"It's been awhile since we've had a sleepover, hasn't it?" Orihime asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the last one was when we crammed for Ochi-sensei's anatomy final back in high school," Ichigo answered.

"I remember that night very clearly because even with my help, you managed to fail anyway."

"Then you obviously remember that I graduated with you the next week, so I wasn't a completely lost cause." Ichigo smirked as Orihime's laughter died down.

"None of that would have mattered anyway, would it?" Orihime whispered. Ichigo watched as she finished combing and folded her hands over her lap.

"I don't think either of us could have predicted a zombie apocalypse coming, Inoue."

"Well, duhhhh," Orihime said, rolling her eyes. "I was talking about you being a photographer!"

The room was suddenly pitch black as Orihime turned the flashlight off and flopped down onto her pillow. With awe, she wondered aloud, "Who knew you'd be a world renowned photographer?"

Even in complete darkness, Ichigo refused to meet her gaze. "Although in hindsight, I should have seen it coming; you always were messing around with your mom's camera."

"Yeah, well, who knew you'd quit law school and decide to open up a cafe… with home baked pastries… that YOU bake!"

"Just because I have an eccentric palate doesn't mean I can't turn my crazy combinations into something good. Don't think I didn't see you order an extra lavender, thyme muffin on opening day."

An easy silence fell upon them, both relaxing despite their circumstance. Knowing Orihime was falling asleep, Ichigo had to ask one more time, just to make sure, "Are you sure you're okay with going up to Hokkaido?"

Turning on her side to face him, Ichigo felt Orihime's hand grab a hold of his own. She squeezed softly, unknowingly calming Ichigo's sudden tremble.

"I'm sure, Kurosaki-kun. It's only logical. The wedding was supposed to be this weekend, so that's where everyone will be." Orihime softly replied. Taking his silence as an agreement, Inoue let her hand go.

"Goodnight, Kurosaki-kun."

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

Ichigo woke up with a jolt as he heard the unmistakable noise of rattling cans.

"Inoue." Ichigo whispered harshly. His arm quickly reached out to rattle her awake, but to his shock and terror, he was met with air. Opening his pack, he felt for his flashlight and turned it on, spinning wildly around.

"I'm right here!"

Ichigo turned his light to the corner and found Inoue crouched down, ear pressed against the metal garage, pocket knife in hand. Crawling over quietly, Ichigo tried to suppress the growing anger bubbling in the pits of his stomach.

"Wha-"

But then he heard it.

A deep voice, followed by the rattle of the garage door. Then another voice, not as deep but still very much threatening. Humans attempting a break in. Whoever it was rattled the door once more, and Orihime backed up quickly, her eyes wide.

If the outsiders were smart, they would have figured someone was in here because of the barrier. Ichigo wasn't going to risk it; they had to leave quickly.

Luckily for him, Orihime was one step ahead. She had grabbed her backpack and was headed for the storage room where there was a back entrance. Hauling his own bag onto his back, Ichigo followed.

Another rattle came from behind followed by a muffled yell. They both turned to look when suddenly a sliver of moonlight peaked from below the barely opened garage.

"It's not locked!"

The deep voice was clearer now.

 _Move._

Pushing Orihime forward, Ichigo closed the storage door behind them and locked it. As he turned the lock, they heard the garage door slide open at the same time. With ragged breaths, Ichigo pulled himself together and ran to the back door, slightly opening it. His ears strained to hear the surrounding area, but only heard the faint voices from behind.

"Ahh!"

Orihime shrieked as the door behind them violently opened and fell to the ground with a loud thud, the hinges forcefully ripped from the wall. Ichigo turned and saw a heavily muscled man at the doorway and felt his blood run cold. The sight of the man didn't scare him.

But the gun in his hand did.

"What happened?!"

Suddenly the other man appeared in front. He was smaller than his companion, but just as heavily muscled. His eyes glanced to Ichigo before straying down to Inoue and stay there. The stranger moved forward, and Ichigo could see the leer in his eyes. Ichigo's blood began to warm, dangerously reaching to a boil every time the stranger's smile began to widen.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" The malicious smile from the smaller man was unsettling, the tone of his voice lewd and suggestive.

Without warning, he reached forward to grab a hold of her, but Orihime was quick and lunged to the side, grabbing hold of a shelving unit. Pulling with all her strength, the unit fell on top of the man, causing him to yell in pain. She then turned and pushed Ichigo back.

"RUN!"

She didn't have to tell him twice.

Ichigo heard the other man's strangled yell and a door slamming shut, but he dared not look behind him as Orihime sped past him swiftly. With the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he forced his legs to run faster.

Looking behind her, Ichigo caught her frantic look and yelled, "Go, I'll catch up, I'm right behind you!"

He had forgotten how fast Orihime could be.

But really, he should have known: she was always hard to reach.

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

"You okay?" Ichigo gasped, taking his backpack off. His legs wobbled a bit as he hit the wall behind him and slid down. Orihime nodded, her breath already steadying. They ran for quite awhile, putting at least two miles between them and their muscled foes. He had followed her blindly, and she had led them to a gas station. They were safe, for now.

Orihime looked around and grabbed an unopened bottle of water. She drank a bit before handing it to Ichigo. Drinking the rest of its content, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and leaned his head back. He was crashing quickly, the events of the last half hour overwhelming him.

"You should rest a bit, Kurosaki-kun," Inoue softly said, "I'll take first watch."

Sliding down next to him, she placed her head on his shoulder. Leaning his head on top of hers, he asked, "How much sleep did you get back there?"

"I never fell asleep… you probably got about an hour before I heard the rattle," she paused to take a breath before continuing. "I thought at first it was just a zombie that triggered it, but then I heard the voices. You woke up when they started to untie the alarm."

Ichigo closed his eyes and tried not to think about how close they both were to danger. Especially Orihime. He couldn't shake the face of that leering man away from his thoughts. He had to be more careful.

Or take lessons from her. She was brilliant.

The least he could do was take first watch and let her get some much deserved rest. Except that his calves felt like they were on fire, and his feet… he could swear they were numb.

"God, my feet hurt."

"Umm…."

His eyes shot open at that, but he was met with the sight of his very dirty socks. His head whipped over to Inoue's feet to find her pair of boots securely laced on.

"Why the hell am I shoe-less?!"

"Did you take them off before you went to bed?"

Silence engulfed the two for a moment before a disgruntled groan escaped Ichigo's mouth. Orihime took it as a yes, and forced his head back down to her shoulder, patting his thigh in comfort.

"We'll look for a pair in the morning. But hey, at least now you know to sleep with them on!"

 **\- - - - X X X X- - - -**

 **a/n:** there's no excuse for how late this came out. i hope you enjoy it though! i appreciate all the comments and faves, they really, really do put a smile on my face.

this chapter was a little serious, but the tone will be much lighter next chapter.

happy holidays, and stay safe out there!

xo,

lovelycollision


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